The last conscious moment I have is being in the operating room and having the dr.'s tell me this is it the baby had to come out now. I had never had a baby so early, I was only 34 weeks. They told me they were going to put me under general anesthesia and I should take deep breaths. I breathed as deep as I could thinking if I took real deep breaths I would go out quicker and they could get her out faster. They put something in my IV and I went out with a scream, it burned so badly.
I looked at the clock and it said 12:30, I felt my belly and knew my baby was no longer in me. In a very groggy state of mind I looked to my right and saw a nurse typing on a computer. I pulled myself together as much as I could and asked him how my baby was. Without even looking up from his computer he told me he didn't know anything. Being a mom of six I'm experienced and have bs radar. I looked to my left and saw the anesthesiologist walk in the room. All I wanted to know is how my baby was. You know that look people give you when you are at a funeral of someone you love, the head tilt and the look in their eyes that say they feel bad for your pain? Well that was the look I got from this doctor. I asked him how she was, it's all I wanted was to know how my daughter was. He took my hand and this was his reply "Mrs. Gibson you need to prepare yourself. Last time I saw your daughter she was limp, there was nothing there." I looked at him and shook my head, at this point I was speechless. He had no more information other than that. In my state of grogginess before I went over I must have said something because he told me he could tell I was a woman with strong faith, I barely remember telling everyone in the room that God was in control. Then he asked if he could pray with me. God knows what you need and when you need it.
I found out later that while I was in surgery they shuffled Doug from room to room for four hours and never told him a thing about me or the baby. We were reunited in what would be my room for the next two days. My room filled with doctor's nurses and people who would be flying on lifeflight with Janavieve. They began to tell us how my placenta ruptured and by the time they got into the baby it was hanging on by a hair. When they opened me up and took her out the baby was not breathing and was totally limp. On top of this they had no clue how much and how long she went without while she was still in me. 4lb's 10 oz's Janavive had made her entry into this world. They began to tell us what they thought would be wrong with her IF she lived.
After telling us all the what IF's they proceeded to inform us that they didn't expect her really to live the lifeflight to Danville. Then the hardest question I ever had to answer. If our daughter were to code on the way what would we want them to do. Doug and I had talked about this many times in the past. I looked at the nurse practitioner and told her it would be unfair to her and selfish of Doug and I to keep her if God wanted her. I looked at her with tears flowing down my face and told her that she should let her go home if she codes. I begged them to allow me to be transported with her, but my request was quickly denied.
They wheeled her isolate into my room and told me we needed to be quick, but I could take a peek at her. I told every doctor in that room that if God allowed her to live that they were going to witness a miracle. I couldn't emphasize enough how great our God is. My vision was still very impaired and all I could see was a little head of hair. I asked them if it would be ok for Doug and I to pray over her before they took her. I put my finger in her little hand and this is what I said "Lord we thank you for Janavieve's life. If there is some reason that you need to take her we are ok and at peace with it, BUT if you will allow us to keep her we will care for her and love her. Please send you angels with her in her ride. We pray you are with her and you're will is done with her little life. In Jesus name. Amen." I told her I loved her as the rushed her out of the room. She wasn't even past the threshold of the door and I looked at Doug and told him to go.
Word traveled quickly through our family and friends that we had the baby. That afternoon two of my very best friends came to visit and pray with me. One of them had lost a baby herself full term because of a rupture. When she came in the door I started crying. The first words out of my mouth was "how did you do it?" We shared, cried and prayed together. I was never so happy to have friends as I was at that moment. They traveled a long way to come see me and stayed as long as they could before having to leave. At the end of the night all the nurses who had been there all day came into my room gave me hugs and told me they would be praying.
The next two days were the longest days EVER!! They were trying to get my blood pressure down and get my platelets up. I think I blew every vein in both my arms in those two days. I got very few updates on the baby, all I wanted was to be united with her. Every time Doug would call me with an update it began "well she's alive." I didn't know what was really going on, but I had a strange peace way down in my soul. I knew MY God had this. Through the night I kept waking up and the first words on my lips was "Thank you Jesus." Thanks to some amazing nurses they got me discharged so I could be with my baby by her third day of life.
I learned quickly that even by her third day of life she was surprising her doctors. I had talked to one of them on the phone the day before and told her we were expecting a total miracle for our baby girl. I think they thought my reality was clouded, when the fact is I knew what could have been, but I knew what my God can do, and that is my reality. At one point even our pastor from Rev Tab had gone to pray over her and met some of the doctors. He told them they didn't know our family and God had done miracles in our life before, and He'll do it again.
Within 24 hours she was out breathing the ventilator, which means praise God, I never had to see her on it. Test after test was getting better and better, but they were still warning that her future could be hard. We had been told she could have CP, or retardation along with a list of neurological disorders. I held fast, and still hold fast to the fact God's in control and I'm not going to worry about it.
The next 3 weeks she spent in the NICU which seemed like forever, but in reality was a very short stay. I hardly ever left her bedside unless it was to sleep, eat or go to the bathroom. The whole time she was in my feet were still so swollen I could barely walk, my incision hurt like mad, and my vision still was to the point I couldn't see clearly across a room. What I was going through was nothing compared to what she was going through. Her little face is what got me through everyday. That and the company of my 12 year old daughter who literally kept me together. She would carry my bags and help me put my shoes on, she is such a blessing.
The day came that finally they let us go home. The nurse practitioner that rode with her in lifeflight came to me the night before we went home. She told me she was a miracle and those prayers must have worked. She had seen how bad our baby was and thought there was no hope, and never thought that we would be taking such a healthy baby home, and so soon. Tests they had done and only one came back questionable. That one is the one I still let in God's hands, and it's a biggie. She is home, but still surprising doctors at appointments. I know HE allowed her to live, HE has sustained her life, and HE won't fail her! Only God is the giver of life and only HE will write her future.