Friday, July 25, 2014

50 Shades of Unreal Expectations

     The new craze is 50 Shades of Grey, the movie, the book series, blogs, chats, and so much online to peek your interest on them. I have only looked into it enough just to know it is not for me, nor should it be for any Spirit filled woman.
     Before you start throwing stones at me let me tell you why I feel the way I do. Something that I really don't like to talk about is some of the things I was into before I turned my life over to Christ. It was not an over night change, rather a continuing change in my life, my actions and my thoughts. I have found to share God's grace I need to open up about who I was before. Even though I was young I knew the difference of right from wrong, but some things were in the grey area and no one would speak about them. Of course I knew that sex (the act) was a sin before marriage. But why was being turned on by sexual images wrong? I wasn't doing anything, there was no act, there was no touching, so it couldn't be wrong.
     At the age of 12 I found a pornographic magazine. It only took looking at it ONCE and I wanted to go back for more. How is it that one image could make you feel like that. It wasn't long before it was like a drug to me. I had to find some kind of image once a week, then three times a week, then everyday. It took up room in my head around the clock. It wasn't long before my friends were giving me books that would give the same effect.
     Before I even hit middle school my language was fitting in with the material I was reading. I found video's and they were eating my time up. Now you ask where were my parents and why didn't they know. Trust me kids find time to fill their time that their parent's don't know about. This is a danger today with the Internet and so many images pounding our kids. We need to be very open and speak openly and often with our children about them.
     The feeling you get while reading books with erotica gives you the SAME feeling as a pornographic magazine or movie. It is very addictive. Before I was far into my teenage years I was addicted. YES addicted it was a high, and I couldn't get enough.
      So many Christian woman today if you ask them if pornography is wrong they would say of course it is wrong. But if you ask them if a racy novel is wrong, they see nothing wrong with it because there are no images in a book. The fact is God gave us something better than a movie screen in our minds. When you read a book as a child you can imagine all kinds of things that are on the pages. The same goes for an adult reading a book that is very explicit about sex . You can put yourself in those pages and feel what they are feeling, smell what they are smelling, see things through their eyes. This type of book is the SAME thing as the picture magazines. As a Christian woman we would be ashamed if our own husbands owned it.
     So why is any pornography wrong for a Christian? My first point would be for any person Christian or not it is addictive and takes up space in your head  you could be giving to something productive. Addictive behavior is never good for you or the people around you. I am no psychologist so I will not get into all the in's and outs of addiction. Next the Word tells us to have a pure mind. Matthew 5:27-28 if you look at someone in lust you have already committed adultery in your heart. The only person you should be looking at with any sexual desire is your husband. In books as well we are putting an image of someone else who is not our husband. Col 3:5 tells us as Christian's our body should be dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. Notice it says idolatry which is the actual image we are putting in our minds.
     The one thing I have so much trouble with the 50 Shades of Grey is the way women are degraded. In a time when women have fought so hard to be where we are today, why would we want to be portrayed in a way a man has no respect for women? What do we find tantalizing about a man abusing a woman, just using her for his own desires and leaves her feeling horrible, for lack of better words. I could go on from everything I've read about this book about how horrible she feels about herself, but I don't want to take up that much real estate on my blog with all the abuse she had to endure (that includes mental abuse). In a day when woman thrive to be empowered, I don't understand how this book can give that to us.
      At the age of 15 I turned my life over to Christ. I wish I could tell you that the next day everything was peachy and I kicked the habit of porn. The reality of any addiction even after you give your life to Christ, your flesh still fights against your spirit. I tried very hard to turn from what I knew was wrong, and felt was wrong in my spirit. I felt dirty and empty after looking at images or reading something that I knew I would be ashamed to share with any other person. I never told ANYONE because I was ashamed.
       When my husband and I got married I had certain expectation about what sex was. This caused so many issues in our marriage till we figured out that it is NOTHING like what the world was telling us it is. We were married quite a while till I had the nerve to tell my own husband that I still struggled with pornography. It wasn't till I was 24 years old till I put it down for the last time. After years of wrestling with something I knew in my heart was wrong, I finally gave it totally over to God. This drastically changed my life. I had to change my whole way of thinking in my marriage and my relationship with Christ.
     I won't get into all the marital problems we had, but I will tell you we were very close to divorce. Was it because of my unreal expectations in our intimate time? Partially yes. I dug into the word and learned what God expected me to be as a wife, and not what the world told me would feel good. I am very private about my intimate time with my husband, but I will tell you if you submit yourself totally to your husband as the Word tells us to, it is very liberating! I with hold nothing, I do not use intimacy over my husbands head. It is not a tool to be used to your advantage, rather it is the bonding agent that holds you together as one.
     It was at this time God began to heal my physical body as well. The word tells us what we are to think on. Things that are lovely, things that are of good report, things that are pure. When your thinking changes to align with HIS will it allows Him to do a mighty work in your life. My encouragement and advice is if your mind is not thinking on Philippians 4:8 you need to change things that are taking up space in your mind. Please remember that a house divided against itself can not stand. If you would not be proud to share what you're reading with Jesus himself, maybe you shouldn't be reading it yourself.