Sometimes in our lives when bad things happen to us we can react in one of two ways. We can either carry it as a burden, or we can push though it and reach new heights. God never promised us that bad things wouldn't happen to us, however He is with us though it(He will never leave me nor forsake me). How does that old saying go...."If He brought me to it, He'll bring me though it". Two months ago I felt life looked dim. I still don't understand totally why, however I do know it has pushed me to answer a call on my life I've had for many years.
The week after my miscarriage I went through some family issues, that still are not resolved. I hope they will be set right again in the future, but it may take time. The next week Doug escaped a layoff, but still had been reduced at work. Ever since they have been bouncing him from first to second shift at random. This not only has left our monthly budget tight, but pretty much bringing my crafty talents out for Christmas. I hope the kids like blankets, cause it looks like quilts will be the main gift under the tree this year (Christmas has been way to commercialize anyhow).
The week after that I had a friend cut me out of their life. Stopped answering my messages, wouldn't call me, I still don't know what I did to upset them so much. This was not just a friend, but one of my best friends. This made me question every friendship or friendly relationship I have. I began to click the unfriend button on social media like you wouldn't believe. I think I cut something like 75 "friends". I had many question me that maybe I had post partium depression. Maybe I should go see a doctor if I was feeling sad or angry. I've had post partum before, this is defiantly different. I had a fire set in me, a boldness not to shy away from issues that I had before.
With this fire came the discussion with my wonderful husband about perusing my passion, my calling. Many people that know me, know I sign. Those who know me better know not only do I sign, but I LOVE the deaf. I feel more comfortable around them, and confident too. With this love I have a deep burden for their souls. The statistic's are staggering of how many do not know Christ, many who don't go to church at all, and many who would love to go to church but there is no where for them to go. Imagine for a second what it would feel like if you lived in a world where very few knew your language, many that know your language can only speak your language, and very few can interpret your thoughts to others. Now try to find a church in that world. Try to make friends outside that group in your world. Now you have an idea of where my passion comes from.
After Dougs ok, some thought and some prayer I reapplied to a university that I applied to about a year and a half ago. When I applied the first time I got intimidated and quit the process. Having it made up in my mind all the reasons I shouldn't go though with this were valid reasons. I'm too old, I have six children that I educate at home, I can't afford it, how in the world would I ever grow a deaf church, would I be accepted as a minister by my peers....the list went on and on. I froze in my process and just dropped the whole idea, not this time though. After I reapplied I filled out the financial paper work, applied for some scholarships and finished the required steps needed to become a student in the spring.
I still have a few steps to go, but it is looking like I will be a student beginning January 4th. I will be majoring in sign language interpreting, with a minor in Bible. This may change, I would like to possibly double major adding theology into the mix. I am a little nervous, but I know I'm following the calling on my life. Serving the deaf, and reaching them for Christ is what I know God has called me to do, and if this is what I have to do to see that come to pass, then this is what I'm going to try to do. I am still very sad that I will never see my baby here on earth, but losing him or her has made me look at this very short life we've all been given on this earth. Not to make a difference would be a waste of the gift of time God has give to us. Now let me ask, how are you allowing situations in your life controlling your future, what are you doing with your time?
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