So it went through the years every time we had another baby I got so sick of the neigh sayers. The comments I've heard is "You can't do this again" Don't you know how this happens" "Don't you have enough...it's time to quit" "Your health can't do it again". This is the reason it has come so hard for me to share my joy and enthusiasm in every pregnancy. If it were up to me I wouldn't tell anyone till the baby's born. My favorite comment was one of someone from our church. We entered the church after having our fifth baby. As I was walking up the steps with new baby in hand someone said to me "Are you finished now?" And my reply "No we're going to have six more." Clearly not everyone shares our view's on having a family. What may be normal for one family isn't normal for all. What I see as a form of worship, another may see as me going off the deep end and losing it. It is something I choose to do, you don't need to understand why.
Recently we learned we were going to have baby seven. Even though maybe it's not the best time for a baby, we were still thrilled. There have been times in the past that we were expecting that the timing wasn't perfect, but God has always seen us though it! For example when we got pregnant with Joel, Doug and I were on the verge of divorce, God restored us. When I got pregnant with Jada, Doug just got a new job and problems with Joel just came to our attention. God provided the insurance just in time, we learned how to deal with new issues with a special needs son. When we got pregnant with Jonah, we thought we were done having a family, we were taught to love even when it was not the right time. With Doug looking at a possible layoff in Oct, we knew God would provide for our situation.
Last Saturday my body began to act funny, by Wednesday I realized I was losing our baby. Going though tests that no woman should ever have to endure, by Friday we had lost our little baby. Suddenly all of me began to morn the loss of a dear tender life. Was it a boy or girl? For sure it would have favored the other kids. All the sudden I missed the laughter that would have been, and the tears I would have kissed away. How could I have so much love for someone I've never met? How could I feel so much love for something about the size of a half dollar? As I shed tears for our little one, God reminded me how much He cares for us. Not only are we small, but He gave his son for us. Even though we seem so small in His eyes our worries and concerns are important to us. In order for us not to suffer an eternity in hell, He has given his most beloved....his own child. If that doesn't say love I don't know what does.
In closing I would just like anyone that reads this that knows me, if you have nothing kind or consoling, please don't say it to me or to anyone in convorsation. I don't put this up to make for good gossip, or hurtful word that may reach our ears, and remember God hears it all even if it never reaches my ears. If you're just a passer by that happens upon this, be mindful of your words in someones grief, or maybe their joy you may not understand. Not everyone sees things the same, and one day it could be you that is hurt by another words.
Psalm 102
1Hear my prayer, O LORD, and let my cry come unto thee. 2Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I callanswer me speedily.3 For my days are consumed like
I love you and I wish I could have the big family. I was able to get pregnant once and I'm glad I have my daughter. However, I have always wanted more children. I envy you that you can and never let anyone tell you to stop. When your done with having children you will know. Until then I need more children in my life.
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